Super Bowl ads are notorious for their sky-high prices, reaching up to $130 million per minute, making them some of the most expensive on the planet. However, even with a world-class spot, the Woke Bowl failed to deliver good ratings.

Eleven advertisers who paid top dollar have said they will not be returning to the Super Bowl, citing poor results. According to Fox’s Greg Gutfeld, “It didn’t pay off. Our viewers didn’t bother tuning in, and those who did flipped the channel as soon as the black people started singing.”

Other notable companies, such as Chick Fil A, Hobby Lobby, Koch Industries, and even Jesus, will not be returning either. “We thought our commercial showing minorities in a rage would be just what the doctor ordered,” said the Messiah. “But apparently, the woke crowd was upset by that.”
A USA Today writer called this year’s Super Bowl the “blackest and wokest of all time,” and in a divided America, this has caused controversy. Some believe that having two national anthems is a sign of racism, while others see it as progress.

The Super Bowl organizers seem unfazed by the backlash, stating, “We’re okay if Jesus spends his advertising dollars on the Puppy Bowl next year. We thought the whole thing was pretty good. Even the haters who poked fun at Rihanna for being laid back got a nice surprise when she revealed a new, woke addition to our ever-evolving country.”

Regardless of the controversy, many Americans will continue to celebrate the glory of war and pray for football things, while others embrace a more inclusive and diverse vision for the future of the Super Bowl. God Bless America.